I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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