i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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