I cockslap morals
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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