Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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