i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
