I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
