There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
