mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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