There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
