i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
