I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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