dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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