well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
