My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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