Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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