Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
