Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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