you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
