We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
