yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
