Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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