Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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