Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
