I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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