a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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