On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
