when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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