hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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