Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
