You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
