I cannot find my penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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