Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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