i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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