I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
