we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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