I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
