why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
