you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
