Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
