I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
