Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
