I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
