I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize