Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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