I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
