It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
