New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
