Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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