just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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