when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
