the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
