I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
did i just pee glitter
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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