I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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