Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
