You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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