I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
