I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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