maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize