ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
