I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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