your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
