I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
