ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
