If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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