Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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