Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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