It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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