I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
