"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
