if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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