she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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