i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
