I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
