It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
