went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
