so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
