I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We have started to decorate penises.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
