Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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