Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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