I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
