Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He? As in you personified your dick?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
