There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is my gift to your gina
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
