the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
