Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Still dying that you shit outside
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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