My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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