The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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