Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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